Today, I’m giving the spotlight to my client, Marissa G.

Marissa has experienced some really beautiful breakthroughs during our work together, and because she’s so articulate, I asked her if she wanted to share a guest post. I’m so happy she did, because what she shares is powerful.

Good nutrition is incredibly important to mental and physical health, but as Marissa shares below, the quality of our thinking can make or break all of it.

If you struggle with body image, weight loss, and negative self-talk, Marissa’s post will speak directly to your heart.

Without further ado:

The Weight of Thoughts

by Marissa G., Oak Park, Illinois

When I found the paleo lifestyle in 2012, it only took a little over a year to lose 100 pounds. It was the first time I had found something my body responded to. A nutritional miracle cure to years of searching. One would think that happiness would be all I could feel.

The funny thing about weight loss is, it doesn’t stop the thoughts. The thoughts like:

• Of course he cheated on you! You’re so suffocating!
• I can still see the fat on your hips!
• You’ll always be stuck in jobs that you’re too good for!
• Settling is what you have to do because you scare people when you are your true self and go after what you want.
• You talk too much!
• You’ll never be good enough for . . . anything, anyone, anywhere.

Those are not the thoughts of a happy person.

In 2014, I was in therapy. In therapy I talked about how my relationship fell apart. I took responsibility for my actions, and let go of responsibility for what wasn’t mine. I talked about what it was like moving back with my parents at this time in my life. I learned a lot about how my past affected my relationships, my job, my family and my life. It was helpful for me to know what was going on in my brain. However, I noticed that during my treatment, my negative self-talk only multiplied and was amplified. [NOTE: I want to be clear, that I am sharing a very generalized version of my story and that I did have breakthroughs with my therapy treatment. I was just noticing that some things weren’t responding as I had seen in the past.]

As the negative thoughts got louder, I noticed my body started gaining weight.

In 2016, after doing all I could before making this decision, I went on antidepressants. I was scared and hesitant to start because I had identified so much with my massive weight loss, and I was concerned that adding this into my world would only add to the weight gain that had already started. At first colors were brighter, thoughts were happier, and I felt on top of the world. But if I listened closely, I could still hear, “I can’t believe you.” “Why would do do that?!” and “Still not good enough” closely whispering in the back of my head. They hadn’t gone away.

As time went on, my clothes got tighter and the negative thoughts got louder. My meds were switched as a result. I had a brief honeymoon period with those too. And then I noticed that I stopped feeling — everything. Happiness. Sadness. Annoyance. Stress. Everything. For so much of my life, I was connected with my emotions. When I lost feeling them, I lost a sense of who I was. With the help of my doctor, I stepped down from taking my medication and stopped completely.

I had gained a total of 50 pounds back.

I began my search to find myself again.

I knew I had to do something different this time. I began studying ways to change my thoughts. I found that the Law of Attraction provided me with tools to help control my thoughts and emotions. It showed me the power my thoughts have. At the same time, I noticed that my weight gain had slowed, but I wasn’t losing weight despite my best efforts. I went to the doctor and had my blood tested for everything I could imagine.

Every single test came back with a picture of perfect health. How could this be? Something wasn’t working.

So, I did what any person would do — I Googled my symptoms. Symptoms of adrenal fatigue. Paleo weight gain. Weight gain after antidepressants. That’s when I found Holly’s site. I found so much that I identified with. So much my primary physician had dismissed as real.

In my first consultation call with Holly, I could tell she is who I needed to work with. She reinforced some of the learning I was doing when it came to reframing my thoughts as well as giving me a realistic view of what might be going on with my body. I signed up and began following the food plans she had for me.

If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s following directions. I had taken Holly’s plans to heart and implemented them to a T. It felt good. However, during our first check-in call, I lamented that although I was sleeping better, feeling better and felt overall happier, I was still frustrated that I wasn’t losing weight. I wanted to focus on my health, and I felt silly that weight loss was important to me — but it was. It was an added layer to the larger picture of what was happening.

Holly said, “Marissa, it’s okay if you want to lose weight.”

This simple sentence of permission opened the floodgates to a conversation that uncovered I was afraid I was going to fail at losing weight again and that deep down, I felt shame for even wanting to lose it again in the first place. It felt so good to finally have clear view of what was going on.

Holly provided me with mindset work to do regarding my weight loss fear and my body. She had me visualize my life after losing weight loss and provided me with tools to create new thoughts around weight loss. I had applied some of these things in other aspects of my life, but never to weight and body image.  With Holly’s support I was able to remind myself that if I did it before, I could do it again.

My thoughts began to change. Now they sound more like this:

• Everything always works out for me.
• I am grateful for the nourishment I receive from food.
• I am safe and secure.
• Hi, reflection in the mirror! It’s great to see you!
• I am complete.

My clothes are fitting better. My face is thinner. Friends have asked me if I’ve lost weight. And this is only after working with Holly for a couple months. The combination of mindset work and sound nutritional planning and support is allowing me to heal my body.

I haven’t stepped on the scale, but I know one thing is true. I have lost the weight of my thoughts.