I don’t know about you, but I’ve always struggled with worrying about what other people think.

In fact, that worry — and that fear of being myself — is what triggered a lot of my health issues. It also kept me from fully sharing my beliefs and gifts with the world.

I see it show up in my nutrition practice, too — many clients are afraid that their friends and family will ridicule them if they have to make special requests at the dinner table. (I can totally relate to this, too, but I’ve found ways to move past it.)

This worry is a pervasive issue that affects just about everybody, and if you let it, it can ruin your life. 

Think about it — how many times have you held yourself back because you were worried about what other people would say?

Ugh. It sucks.

But recently, I found a mind-blowing strategy for kicking these thoughts to the curb.

It’s from Martha Beck’s book, Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live. (Get it. Seriously.)

The process is deceptively simple, but incredibly powerful.

Learn about it in my short video below, or keep scrolling if you’re a reader.

How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think

1) Get clear about who “everybody” really is.

Here’s the thing: your “everybody” is different than my “everybody.” We like to think that “everybody” is an inclusive term that means “everybody in the whole world,” but the fact is that everybody in the whole world couldn’t possibly care about your actions. They don’t even know you.

So who is the elusive everybody?

If you really sit and try to figure it out, it’s likely that only 3-5 people (or groups of people) will come to mind.

Most likely, they will be people or groups you’re afraid of disappointing, or who impose some sort of spoken or unspoken standard on your life. 

Maybe everybody is your pastor, your grandparents, your husband, and your third-grade teacher.

When I sat down to do this exercise, I realized that my everybody was mean coworkers from 10 years ago, family members I don’t like, and people on social media that I don’t even talk to.

Yikes! These are the people I’m allowing to dictate my life’s decisions?

NO THANK YOU.

2) Understand generalization, then stop it in its tracks.

OK. By now, you’ve probably identified a few faces in your everybody camp.

But if everybody is only made up of a few people, why do they feel so BIG in your mind?

Psychologists have a term for this, and it’s called the generalized other.

Imagine your mind is a football field, and “everybody” is filling up the stadium seats. Your mind needs to make sense of these people, so instead of allowing impartial strangers to take up the seats, it duplicates the same 3-5 people — and their opinions — over and over and over.

It’s like the Photoshop “clone” feature meets your worst nightmare.

So … how the heck do you kick these jerks out of your personal football stadium?

3) Make sure everybody is on your team.

Just realizing that your everybody is only made up of a few people is powerful. And once you come to that realization, you can consciously choose new members for your everybody team.

Your mind is going to generalize no matter what. Just like we can’t truly comprehend “infinity,” or “nothing,” we can’t truly comprehend “everybody.” Your brain has to make up a representative story.

The key is to make sure that story serves you.

So, pick new members for your everybody team, and make sure they’re people who support you unconditionally. These are people you can go to no matter what, and they’ll always give you a high-five or encouragement.

But here’s something important: you don’t need to personally know the people on your team.

They can be people from your real life, or they can be inspirational people you don’t actually know. One follower told me that Oprah was going to be on her new everybody list — does it get more failsafe or inspirational than that?

It sucks, but a lot of times, we can’t find the support we really need in real life. Don’t let that be an excuse — turn to inspirational books, podcasts, and thought leaders to help you become the kind of person you really want to be.

4) Need inspiration? Here are a few people on my new everybody team.

Sean Croxton, host of The Quote of the Day Show, and one of the most generous, inspiring people on the face of the planet

Lauren Geertsen, founder of Empowered Sustenance and Meo Energetics, and a lyrical truth-teller about whole-hearted, whole-person healing

Diane Sanfilippo, an author and entrepreneur who dishes up amazing recipes and no-nonsense advice about life, taking chances, and being true to yourself

Liz Gilbert, author of Big Magic, a book that always reminds me that fear’s place is in the back seat of the car

When I think of these people, I can’t imagine any of them naysaying my dreams and aspirations. 

Sean would give me a fist-bump and tell me to go make it happen (and he’d probably also give me 50 book recommendations).

Lauren would give me a hug and tell me about the urgency of my soul’s purpose (and give me some Anxiety Release Essential Oil).

Diane would remind me that I only have one chance (and hopefully give me some dark chocolate).

Liz would have a knock-down, drag-out fight with my inner critic (and she’d sign my books, duh).

These are the voices I want in my head. These are the people I choose to emulate.

You can say it’s a story, but your current everybody is a story, too. It’s high time we start telling ourselves stories that feel good.

So, tell me — who’s your new everybody?

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